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Welcome (back) to our self care 2022 wellness tips. There are many self care rituals and regimes that we salute. This year we wanted to keep it simple, returning to the basics. With minimalism a foundation at LovEd Wellness, our fifth tip is: perspective. Oxford dictionary defines it ‘as a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view’.


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The last two years have challenged our perspective as our world changed. For many people, our work, lifestyles and relationships changed. I call it a period in time in which we had a ‘microscope on the micro of our lives’.

Generally speaking, pre-pandemic, many of our lives were full of plans, activities and distractions. Suddenly, much of our lives were focused within the walls of where we lived, those we lived with or without, and our lifestyle choices. Those choices came into full, undeniable view and perhaps observed in a new way. With a particular attitude toward our ‘new normal’ and new way of regarding how we lived before, many of our ‘points of view’ changed. We became increasingly conscious of our day to day, giving us a new perspective on whether we really liked our day to day! Take a moment to consider your perspective of that time, is it different, changed or the same?


I was living in Vancouver in a beautiful, minimalist, bright apartment with North Shore views, within one block of the ocean. Most of my sisters were living in the city too, I was running the seawall, competitively sailing, road tripping on weekends, had lots of alone time and had created a lifestyle I loved…until all the activities, plans and distractions stopped. Despite loving so much about my life I became so aware of something that was missing and that I greatly value - companionship and love. The microscope on my ‘micro’, made me realize how much I wanted a meaningful, loving, deeply committed relationship, in my life. So, like many in the pandemic, I made changes. The catalytic shift in lifestyle made me re-examine my life and take control of what I wanted to change, in a whole new way.


Sometimes perspective shifts are small: the recommendation of a good book that inspires, a stranger who kindly holds the door, a new server at your favourite restaurant that makes your experience better than ever! Other times, our perspectives are influenced by bigger happenings: like a pandemic, a move, hurricane, illness or death. Many catalytic shifts can immediately and profoundly impact our perspective. As a childhood debater, I always found it exciting to consider and argue the opposing side. ‘Be it resolved that..’ offered perspective and ensured that I was open enough to consider another viewpoint, not becoming too emotionally invested in only one perspective.


We are all living and leading our lives with the ‘lens we see the world’, based on our past and the circumstances of our lives, says Landmark Education. Naturally, it is hard to consider other’s perspectives when we have been marinating in our own ‘stories’, with our ‘own’ viewpoints for as many years as we have. Insert age here ______!!


There is something fascinating in psychology called the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon, frequency bias or frequency illusion. Which is a cognitive bias that happens once you purchase a new car you start seeing it everywhere. The idea is that there is an attentional 'awakening' to the object that now holds value to you. Making new perspectives interesting. Perhaps if you learn something new, there may be an ‘awakening’ of value to you. By creating a muscle of considering differing perspectives, we may live a life that offers new perspectives, more aha' moments and greater compassion.


Moving nearly every three years of my life offered me perspective on other communities, people, schools, churches and opened many new doors of opportunity. Moving to the Caribbean for ten years was an opportunity for perspective in other cultures, learning new languages and foods that I had never tried. Taking a dive into the ocean still reminds me how small I am in this great big universe and flying as a passenger still makes me stare in absolute awe at the sunrise, view and clouds from above.

“ I stand upon my desk to remind myself we must constantly look at things in a different way…. See, the world looks very different from up here" - Robin Williams as John Keating - Dead Poets Society

Our perspectives can be the bedrock foundations of our morals, values and unwavering beliefs. Without compromising who you are, is it possible that you could become a casual debater of the opposition, a listening ear with no rebuttal, go somewhere you have never been and eat food you have never tried, lay down on the grass (snow) like a child and look up, or sit in stillness and ask yourself - How do I see the world?

“ Don’t believe me? Come see for yourselves. Come on. Just when you think you know something, you have to look at it in another way" - Robin Williams as John Keating - Dead Poets Society



 
 
 

Welcome (back) to our self care 2022 wellness tips. There are many self care rituals and regimes that we salute. This year we wanted to keep it simple, returning to the basics. With minimalism a foundation at LovEd Wellness, our fourth tip is: surrender/ acceptance. With change being one of the most confrontational human experiences, there are times we will all have to surrender/ accept something.

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Having just returned from Florida for the celebration of life of my amazing friend Katie, I am heartbroken, shaken and confronted by the idea of surrender and acceptance. How do I possibly surrender and accept.

If I do that...it's real!


Over the past few years we have had to adjust to the ever changing world of working from home, shopping online, not seeing family we love, wearing masks, staying distanced, the list goes on...we all had to surrender on some level to the change and accept our 'new normal'. Change offers us many choices but when we break them down they are simply, resistance which is fear based and acceptance which is love based. The majority of us adapted the new changes with acceptance and continued on as we evolve and grow daily. But when something happens that you don't want to surrender too, such as a: divorce, job layoff, sickness, move or loss of a loved one, how do we surrender and accept?


I cry as I write this, as my internal knowing of how best to serve myself is conflicted with a reality I don't want to accept. My surrender means I accept and my acceptance means I must grow and lean onward. Accepting means no more phone calls, hugs, visits, beach days, laughter, spiritual conversations, poolside shenanigans, shopping, quiet forest walks, sitting in silence…and the millions of ‘what could have been’. Holding on is natural and heartbreaking.


I am left with the unbelievably difficult decision to surrender and accept Katie died by suicide and I will never fully know the ‘why’ or the ‘what happened’. My surrendering to this unleashed the greatest emotional outpouring of sadness, anger, tears and heartbreak. My surrender allows me to be held by the living and to celebrate her life.


My choice to surrender felt like I was lying down in a warm, safe nest to sleep to welcome the sunrise, rather than fighting dusk and running after the setting sun.

“ God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference" - Serenity Prayer

Gary Zukav, author of The Seat of the Soul, a book which changed the trajectory of my life, recently lost his beloved, spiritual life partner and co-creator in all, Linda Francis. He shared about his daily missing and moments without her, writing, ‘each hurts a lot before I recognize it for what it is – a frightened part of my personality - and move my attention away from "what ifs" and "if onlys" to what is actually happening in the moment, and toward an opportunity to love, to support, to contribute.’


The surrender is a lean in, a commitment to self and a letting go, of what 'might have', 'could have' or maybe, 'should have' been...to what is. The 'what is', is present moment, right now.

The surrender of something in our lives may take days, weeks, months, even years. Grief is undefined.


One thing I have learned is that in surrender there is a creation of space…an unknown space. That’s what is scary. What lies in the unknown space? Am learning that in this pause or space, it is an invitation for creation, divine opportunity, signs and possibilities, which may not be presented until we surrender to this unknown. Like a shedding, I bawled and bawl, mourning the loss of Katie. Saddened that she will not be a part of my next chapters. Am sad for her children, brother, sister, parents, friends and colleagues as she touched so many lives.


In my surrender I learned that my partner is incredible and showed up for me, in so many beautiful and supportive ways that showed me who he is on another, deeper, more spiritual level, connecting us. It allowed me to connect deeper with her family, children and rekindle friendships that I am grateful for. I saw how my family compassionately provided love and space to grieve and heal. Neighbours and friends who provided loving support in messages, meals and check-in’s.


In my acceptance of Katie’s passing I can truly celebrate her, for her extraordinary life. A life of many layers and rays of light. She struggled, was contemplative and complex, passionate, loving, kind, ambitious and open. She was strong and courageous, a defender of anyone who needed help, a lifelong learner and hungered for new experiences and travel. She was funny, quirky and had a smile that could light up a room and a presence that did. Katie was amazing. I will miss her beyond words. And with a million more memories that will come up and likely a million more cry’s, I surrender that Katie has left our earth school but I accept that she was one of the most profound friendships of my life and that her life will continue to inspire mine.


Where in your life can you surrender? What do you need to accept? Can you see the gift to yourself in surrender and acceptance?



 
 
 
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