Self Care: Surrender/ Acceptance -'Grant me the serenity'

Welcome (back) to our self care 2022 wellness tips. There are many self care rituals and regimes that we salute. This year we wanted to keep it simple, returning to the basics. With minimalism a foundation at LovEd Wellness, our fourth tip is: surrender/ acceptance. With change being one of the most confrontational human experiences, there are times we will all have to surrender/ accept something.

Having just returned from Florida for the celebration of life of my amazing friend Katie, I am heartbroken, shaken and confronted by the idea of surrender and acceptance. How do I possibly surrender and accept.

If I do that...it's real!

Over the past few years we have had to adjust to the ever changing world of working from home, shopping online, not seeing family we love, wearing masks, staying distanced, the list goes on...we all had to surrender on some level to the change and accept our 'new normal'. Change offers us many choices but when we break them down they are simply, resistance which is fear based and acceptance which is love based. The majority of us adapted the new changes with acceptance and continued on as we evolve and grow daily. But when something happens that you don't want to surrender too, such as a: divorce, job layoff, sickness, move or loss of a loved one, how do we surrender and accept?

I cry as I write this, as my internal knowing of how best to serve myself is conflicted with a reality I don't want to accept. My surrender means I accept and my acceptance means I must grow and lean onward. Accepting means no more phone calls, hugs, visits, beach days, laughter, spiritual conversations, poolside shenanigans, shopping, quiet forest walks, sitting in silence…and the millions of ‘what could have been’. Holding on is natural and heartbreaking.

I am left with the unbelievably difficult decision to surrender and accept Katie died by suicide and I will never fully know the ‘why’ or the ‘what happened’. My surrendering to this unleashed the greatest emotional outpouring of sadness, anger, tears and heartbreak. My surrender allows me to be held by the living and to celebrate her life.

My choice to surrender felt like I was lying down in a warm, safe nest to sleep to welcome the sunrise, rather than fighting dusk and running after the setting sun.

“ God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference" - Serenity Prayer

Gary Zukav, author of The Seat of the Soul, a book which changed the trajectory of my life, recently lost his beloved, spiritual life partner and co-creator in all, Linda Francis. He shared about his daily missing and moments without her, writing, ‘each hurts a lot before I recognize it for what it is – a frightened part of my personality - and move my attention away from "what ifs" and "if onlys" to what is actually happening in the moment, and toward an opportunity to love, to support, to contribute.’

The surrender is a lean in, a commitment to self and a letting go, of what 'might have', 'could have' or maybe, 'should have' been...to what is. The 'what is', is present moment, right now.

The surrender of something in our lives may take days, weeks, months, even years. Grief is undefined.

One thing I have learned is that in surrender there is a creation of space…an unknown space. That’s what is scary. What lies in the unknown space? Am learning that in this pause or space, it is an invitation for creation, divine opportunity, signs and possibilities, which may not be presented until we surrender to this unknown. Like a shedding, I bawled and bawl, mourning the loss of Katie. Saddened that she will not be a part of my next chapters. Am sad for her children, brother, sister, parents, friends and colleagues as she touched so many lives.

In my surrender I learned that my partner is incredible and showed up for me, in so many beautiful and supportive ways that showed me who he is on another, deeper, more spiritual level, connecting us. It allowed me to connect deeper with her family, children and rekindle friendships that I am grateful for. I saw how my family compassionately provided love and space to grieve and heal. Neighbours and friends who provided loving support in messages, meals and check-in’s.

In my acceptance of Katie’s passing I can truly celebrate her, for her extraordinary life. A life of many layers and rays of light. She struggled, was contemplative and complex, passionate, loving, kind, ambitious and open. She was strong and courageous, a defender of anyone who needed help, a lifelong learner and hungered for new experiences and travel. She was funny, quirky and had a smile that could light up a room and a presence that did. Katie was amazing. I will miss her beyond words. And with a million more memories that will come up and likely a million more cry’s, I surrender that Katie has left our earth school but I accept that she was one of the most profound friendships of my life and that her life will continue to inspire mine.

Where in your life can you surrender? What do you need to accept? Can you see the gift to yourself in surrender and acceptance?